Where to begin David? This is an incredible story of your unwavering effort to overcome a significant challenge (PTSD) over the years. The quest involves searching for answers, asking for help, receiving help from various sources, self-examination, and connecting to the spiritual sources of healing. PTSD doesn't normally disappear with o…
Where to begin David? This is an incredible story of your unwavering effort to overcome a significant challenge (PTSD) over the years. The quest involves searching for answers, asking for help, receiving help from various sources, self-examination, and connecting to the spiritual sources of healing. PTSD doesn't normally disappear with one ritual and I would suggest that your efforts over the years and any of the good things you've done for others culminated in the inspiration you received to do the ritual that night (possibly coinciding with an important astrological transit...the planets also represented in the sephirot). Incredibly you were guided to take spiritual matters into your own hands and make good things happen.
There's much I would love to unpack with you regarding ritual, intention, preparation and creating a protective field to invite wanted energies while keeping harmful ones out. From my own experience of a spiritual crucifixion that expanded my consciousness I will say that it's likely you were very spiritually 'open' after your healing experience and required extra protection during your post-healing integration period to venture into a world that is largely unprotected. These entities feed off emotional energy such as fear, disgust, hate, despair etc. They attach to those who are holding more light too only when that person is vulnerable and too open.
Demonic possession is much harder to exorcise than entities and tends to require more than an invocation of protective forces to break the bond. I agree with Oren - it's problematic that entities and demons are terms used interchangeably when they require different strategies to eliminate them. Dealing with a dubbuk is more difficult than dealing with an entity masquerading as dead Aunt Betty.
I think it's wise that you're continuing to invoke and honour the benevolent forces will continue to build your protection and support healing/purification. Working with the tools of the physical and non-physical world can go a long way to expanding our consciousness, purifying our mind, and alleviating the pains that manifest as mental health issues and physical illness.
I hope readers can receive your message about the importance of considering non-physical influences of health and that not every influence is going to have a neat and tidy explanation. Sometimes it just is.
Thank you for sharing your experiences - the good and bad - that illustrated the complexity of spiritual work and its potential in our lives.
As we yids say - Kol Hakavod for the return of good mental health and may your practice and investigation into the depths of the mysteries be fruitful, healing, and enlightening.
I really appreciate all your encouragement and support, Nathalie.
Regarding this point: "it's problematic that entities and demons are terms used interchangeably when they require different strategies to eliminate them."
Yes, that's very true. There certainly are a variety of spirits out there and just boiling them down to "demons" is an oversimplification. When we were experiencing these entities coming on Wednesday and Thursday night I started searching to try and figure out what sorts of entities they could be if not outright demons. My ChatGPTing seemed to suggest that they could be characterized as "shadow people."
There’s also something at our local library. I suspect many spirits like to hang out there. One seems to follow me home much of the time when I go to pick up my holds.
I don’t know… Turns out that is a category of “entities” some “paranormal researchers” have described and it does sort of match the description of what we’ve been sensing. One of them seems to be trying to get into the apartment right now.
I think “shadow people” are just demons. They’re sleep paralysis demons specifically, maybe somewhat different from other kinds of demons. If you see one that’s not a good sign at all, since in my experience they just try to rape people and seemingly try to kill them. If you see those it seems like it’s always because they think your soul is weak and they’re about to try to drag you off to Hell in your sleep (their judgment is almost certainly not always accurate or people wouldn’t report them. They don’t seem to be able to reliably tell when people are sleeping. The goal seems to be to try to find people who are dead or dying though.) I think your ritual opened you up to lots of bad things. I think you messed up somewhere. I think if demons rape you you’ve already way crossed a line so the ritual you did with tarot cards and Jesus and the Devil probably already had something messed up. If the “shadow people” sleep paralysis demons are basically beating on your door during the middle of the day then that sounds like a huge issue. I don’t know very much about spells and whatever but it sounds like you definitely messed up somewhere to me. I would guess you weren’t supposed to try to literally summon the Devil into a circle to meet Jesus. I thought the Devil was already everywhere, if anything you were probably supposed to go to him. Like I would guess the way from the mind to Jesus would be actually to get out of your head if anything, since the Devil is already in the world.
The thing is this though: I feel so much better now most of the time and my PTSD symptoms are mostly in remission. I’m not suicidal all the time. And these demonic/spiritual attacks some days is a mild annoyance in comparison. It really feels like they just realize that my soul has been cleansed and there is room for them to get on board now if I don’t recognize them and push back.
'This “possession” seemed a little different, though. Most notably, for some reason I was stuttering wildly as I tried to talk—a problem I’ve never had. It seemed like this was an expression of a different demon inhabiting me than the ones I’d lived with for years.
I still had to get through the day, though, and for whatever reason, more article assignments were coming in faster than usual. I didn’t have time right now to spend hours engaging in ceremonial magick again, especially doing something that would leave me exhausted.
Very worried about me, Sally took Jasmine outside, as a dog regularly demands, saying pointedly that maybe I’d feel better when they came back in. Feeling sick, I could only mutter, “okay."
Then, sitting here at my desk in the living room, where I’m sitting now as I type this, I decided to try something easier than the experience of being tortured to death.
I grabbed my large metal ankh again that I’d use to summon Thoth. This one:
I gripped the ankh tightly, as though on a roller coaster, and I yelled out, “Thoth, I invoke thee! Thoth, I invoke thee! Help me! Free me of this demon!”
And then the giant bird-headed man who towered over me showed up again. He seemed casual, as though this were no big deal: just a minor ailment that he, as the god of medicine, knew how to handle.
And then he did what he had done previously when I invoked him. He reached his beak down and ate both of my eyeballs. This then “opened my third eye” in the middle of my forehead. He then reached his beak down through that and pulled out what seemed like a big worm. He swallowed it like it was nothing and grinned at the opportunity for a midday snack.
I saw this as I had seen all such experiences: in my mind's eye. But I felt a very real rush of relief nevertheless, and returned back to the self I’d been before going out to get those damn library books on Wednesday. In fact, I felt fantastic. By invoking Thoth, I had not only gotten rid of the demon, but now took on his own qualities, myself. I started laughing and rose from my desk to dance around the room, shocked that it had, once again, been so “easy” to cast out a dark force that had tried to get me to kill myself.'
The beginning of this makes it sound like you got possessed by a worse demon, though. What "seemed to be a big worm" was also probably not. Why would Thoth eating it turn you into something more like Thoth? That was probably the kundalini snake or something imo. Disclaimer: I don't cast spells and do ceremonial magick, I just know of a few esoteric ideas.
Since I can’t edit my reply, in my experience, “shadow people” are just the sleep paralysis demons. It’s definitely actually demons. I kept writing on my blog off and on how I think a nuclear war is going to happen soon and it’s going to happen when the system of debt-driven consumerism collapses. The PRC and basically BRICS economies will collapse when debt-driven consumerism collapses, and when that happens, Russia and/or North Korea (though luckily North Korea doesn’t have ICBMs yet) will nuke everyone, because apparently they tried to in 2022, but the PRC told them no. When rich people in consumer economies of mostly North America and Europe can’t buy things from PRC and other BRICS countries on debt anymore, then the PRC collapses, then Russia can nuke everyone whether North Korea has ICBMs yet or not, but North Korea getting ICBMs would make it way worse. I think it’s super interesting that you saw a bunch of demons at shopping centers and around the cars of people going to and from shopping centers, because that’s basically the whole problem. I think the demons are seriously scoping out the souls of greedy materialist idolators (the Bible even calls greed idolatry) to try to find who they’re going to drag off to Hell. I saw like basically just Satan with outstretched wings in my mind’s eye when I was watching the Super Bowl, but I haven’t been to enough shopping centers to see a bunch of demons there, only one specific grocery store, and I noticed a little bit of the presence of that but not a ton, probably because it was a store for mostly just groceries and consuming food is pretty innocent. When I go to stores for non-food items I’m sure I’ll notice a lot more so thanks for making me want to look.
Where to begin David? This is an incredible story of your unwavering effort to overcome a significant challenge (PTSD) over the years. The quest involves searching for answers, asking for help, receiving help from various sources, self-examination, and connecting to the spiritual sources of healing. PTSD doesn't normally disappear with one ritual and I would suggest that your efforts over the years and any of the good things you've done for others culminated in the inspiration you received to do the ritual that night (possibly coinciding with an important astrological transit...the planets also represented in the sephirot). Incredibly you were guided to take spiritual matters into your own hands and make good things happen.
There's much I would love to unpack with you regarding ritual, intention, preparation and creating a protective field to invite wanted energies while keeping harmful ones out. From my own experience of a spiritual crucifixion that expanded my consciousness I will say that it's likely you were very spiritually 'open' after your healing experience and required extra protection during your post-healing integration period to venture into a world that is largely unprotected. These entities feed off emotional energy such as fear, disgust, hate, despair etc. They attach to those who are holding more light too only when that person is vulnerable and too open.
Demonic possession is much harder to exorcise than entities and tends to require more than an invocation of protective forces to break the bond. I agree with Oren - it's problematic that entities and demons are terms used interchangeably when they require different strategies to eliminate them. Dealing with a dubbuk is more difficult than dealing with an entity masquerading as dead Aunt Betty.
I think it's wise that you're continuing to invoke and honour the benevolent forces will continue to build your protection and support healing/purification. Working with the tools of the physical and non-physical world can go a long way to expanding our consciousness, purifying our mind, and alleviating the pains that manifest as mental health issues and physical illness.
I hope readers can receive your message about the importance of considering non-physical influences of health and that not every influence is going to have a neat and tidy explanation. Sometimes it just is.
Thank you for sharing your experiences - the good and bad - that illustrated the complexity of spiritual work and its potential in our lives.
As we yids say - Kol Hakavod for the return of good mental health and may your practice and investigation into the depths of the mysteries be fruitful, healing, and enlightening.
I really appreciate all your encouragement and support, Nathalie.
Regarding this point: "it's problematic that entities and demons are terms used interchangeably when they require different strategies to eliminate them."
Yes, that's very true. There certainly are a variety of spirits out there and just boiling them down to "demons" is an oversimplification. When we were experiencing these entities coming on Wednesday and Thursday night I started searching to try and figure out what sorts of entities they could be if not outright demons. My ChatGPTing seemed to suggest that they could be characterized as "shadow people."
I just read this, and I think there are innumerable demons at shopping centers specifically. Consumerism/materialism is demonic.
You are correct. I’ve felt that at times.
There’s also something at our local library. I suspect many spirits like to hang out there. One seems to follow me home much of the time when I go to pick up my holds.
Shadow people 😂- ChatGPT says some funny things.
I don’t know… Turns out that is a category of “entities” some “paranormal researchers” have described and it does sort of match the description of what we’ve been sensing. One of them seems to be trying to get into the apartment right now.
I think “shadow people” are just demons. They’re sleep paralysis demons specifically, maybe somewhat different from other kinds of demons. If you see one that’s not a good sign at all, since in my experience they just try to rape people and seemingly try to kill them. If you see those it seems like it’s always because they think your soul is weak and they’re about to try to drag you off to Hell in your sleep (their judgment is almost certainly not always accurate or people wouldn’t report them. They don’t seem to be able to reliably tell when people are sleeping. The goal seems to be to try to find people who are dead or dying though.) I think your ritual opened you up to lots of bad things. I think you messed up somewhere. I think if demons rape you you’ve already way crossed a line so the ritual you did with tarot cards and Jesus and the Devil probably already had something messed up. If the “shadow people” sleep paralysis demons are basically beating on your door during the middle of the day then that sounds like a huge issue. I don’t know very much about spells and whatever but it sounds like you definitely messed up somewhere to me. I would guess you weren’t supposed to try to literally summon the Devil into a circle to meet Jesus. I thought the Devil was already everywhere, if anything you were probably supposed to go to him. Like I would guess the way from the mind to Jesus would be actually to get out of your head if anything, since the Devil is already in the world.
The thing is this though: I feel so much better now most of the time and my PTSD symptoms are mostly in remission. I’m not suicidal all the time. And these demonic/spiritual attacks some days is a mild annoyance in comparison. It really feels like they just realize that my soul has been cleansed and there is room for them to get on board now if I don’t recognize them and push back.
'This “possession” seemed a little different, though. Most notably, for some reason I was stuttering wildly as I tried to talk—a problem I’ve never had. It seemed like this was an expression of a different demon inhabiting me than the ones I’d lived with for years.
I still had to get through the day, though, and for whatever reason, more article assignments were coming in faster than usual. I didn’t have time right now to spend hours engaging in ceremonial magick again, especially doing something that would leave me exhausted.
Very worried about me, Sally took Jasmine outside, as a dog regularly demands, saying pointedly that maybe I’d feel better when they came back in. Feeling sick, I could only mutter, “okay."
Then, sitting here at my desk in the living room, where I’m sitting now as I type this, I decided to try something easier than the experience of being tortured to death.
I grabbed my large metal ankh again that I’d use to summon Thoth. This one:
I gripped the ankh tightly, as though on a roller coaster, and I yelled out, “Thoth, I invoke thee! Thoth, I invoke thee! Help me! Free me of this demon!”
And then the giant bird-headed man who towered over me showed up again. He seemed casual, as though this were no big deal: just a minor ailment that he, as the god of medicine, knew how to handle.
And then he did what he had done previously when I invoked him. He reached his beak down and ate both of my eyeballs. This then “opened my third eye” in the middle of my forehead. He then reached his beak down through that and pulled out what seemed like a big worm. He swallowed it like it was nothing and grinned at the opportunity for a midday snack.
I saw this as I had seen all such experiences: in my mind's eye. But I felt a very real rush of relief nevertheless, and returned back to the self I’d been before going out to get those damn library books on Wednesday. In fact, I felt fantastic. By invoking Thoth, I had not only gotten rid of the demon, but now took on his own qualities, myself. I started laughing and rose from my desk to dance around the room, shocked that it had, once again, been so “easy” to cast out a dark force that had tried to get me to kill myself.'
The beginning of this makes it sound like you got possessed by a worse demon, though. What "seemed to be a big worm" was also probably not. Why would Thoth eating it turn you into something more like Thoth? That was probably the kundalini snake or something imo. Disclaimer: I don't cast spells and do ceremonial magick, I just know of a few esoteric ideas.
Since I can’t edit my reply, in my experience, “shadow people” are just the sleep paralysis demons. It’s definitely actually demons. I kept writing on my blog off and on how I think a nuclear war is going to happen soon and it’s going to happen when the system of debt-driven consumerism collapses. The PRC and basically BRICS economies will collapse when debt-driven consumerism collapses, and when that happens, Russia and/or North Korea (though luckily North Korea doesn’t have ICBMs yet) will nuke everyone, because apparently they tried to in 2022, but the PRC told them no. When rich people in consumer economies of mostly North America and Europe can’t buy things from PRC and other BRICS countries on debt anymore, then the PRC collapses, then Russia can nuke everyone whether North Korea has ICBMs yet or not, but North Korea getting ICBMs would make it way worse. I think it’s super interesting that you saw a bunch of demons at shopping centers and around the cars of people going to and from shopping centers, because that’s basically the whole problem. I think the demons are seriously scoping out the souls of greedy materialist idolators (the Bible even calls greed idolatry) to try to find who they’re going to drag off to Hell. I saw like basically just Satan with outstretched wings in my mind’s eye when I was watching the Super Bowl, but I haven’t been to enough shopping centers to see a bunch of demons there, only one specific grocery store, and I noticed a little bit of the presence of that but not a ton, probably because it was a store for mostly just groceries and consuming food is pretty innocent. When I go to stores for non-food items I’m sure I’ll notice a lot more so thanks for making me want to look.