13 Reasons Why I Have Lost Interest in Psychedelic Medicine

This is a maze. While there is some treasure hidden within, the key to healing mental illness is not ultimately found here.

So here’s a fun coincidence. On Tuesday I published “The 10 Biggest Mistakes People Make When They Start Smoking Weed” and on Thursday Acting Attorney General Todd Blanche announced that marijuana was now being reclassified from Schedule I to Schedule III. This is something that should have happened a long time ago to correct a mistake that never should have happened at all.

So, sure, kudos to President Donald John Trump for doing what so many failed to do. Of course, not that it requires any political consequences now and he’s just following the popular position. I predicted he would do this. There is no courage in the action, but we’ll take it nonetheless.

While the reclassifying will do many things, particularly aiding in research, a big part of it too will be that it should ultimately lower weed costs by allowing dispensaries and growers to integrate in further with the traditional financial services. Decreases in costs from that will make their way to the consumer. The closer weed gets to legalization the cheaper it will become. One analyst I read years ago said then when marijuana reaches full legality then its price could drop to as low as oregano. (That’s $2-$10/oz compared to weed’s price now where an oz will usually cost you $150-350, though I’m happy to report that my beloved Horchata at Red Falcon comes in at $120/oz.)

We should note that this decision pairs with Trump’s April 18 executive order pushing for further research into psychedelic drugs. Trump said “can I have some, please? I’ll take some” and “I don’t have time to be depressed. You know, if you stay busy enough, maybe that works, too. That’s what I do.”

Something odd that I noted while pondering the implications of this executive order and what it symbolized politically: I just don’t really care that much anymore.

For years now I’ve advocated for this, the further mainstreaming of psychedelic drugs in medicine.

I knew that the various substances had helped me so I certainly urged others suffering from various issues to explore the research and consider the potential directions.

Now, though, I’ve largely lost interest and I thought I’d unpack why. Consider this a sequel of sorts to the article earlier this week on weed. I’m going to similarly play the role of Buzzkillington.

Yes, I do still support legalization of the so-called “classic psychedelics” — LSD, psilocybin, mescaline, and DMT — and see it as a net positive for the medical applications of these substances to be researched and explored.

However, I no longer feel much of a sense of urgency anymore on pushing for either of these.

A lot of people aren’t going to want to hear this, but on the use of psychedelics as medicine, in the form of therapies to treat problems like PTSD, addiction, and depression, I’ve grown more skeptical they will be as game-changer as people hope.

Here are some of the reasons why, based on my own experiences over the last five years:

1. While the traditional psychedelic substances can be used as medicine and in treatments, they’re not really permanent solutions.

When people began talking about psychedelic therapy a number of years ago it was presented as though having one strong trip or a series of trips could cure one’s ailments permanently. In my experience, that’s not really the case. The effects of sessions do wear off over time and one ultimately needs repeat experiences.

Likewise, if one is going to microdose on a substance, that is simply going to need to be a continuous practice and figuring out the right levels will be a challenge. You’re on your own here, you’re your own doctor and pharmacist.

Can both heavy and micro-dosing be helpful? Yes. And it’s worthwhile for the scientists and individuals to continue to explore them, however there are a few reasons to pause, foremost is this:

2. These experiences work to reduce symptoms in PTSD because they are forms of “exposure therapy.” Meaning, for them to be effective they need to be unpleasant.

In exposure therapy, the patient is taught to overcome their trauma through controlled exposure to fear. The psychedelic experience is much the same thing, sometimes pleasant but oftentimes not — the body is going through a controlled experience that models death and rebirth over the course of a few hours.

It can be frightening, but you know going through it that this is how it’s supposed to go, and that soon it will pass. This is an experience like an amusement park ride and soon it will end.

If you are using psychedelics to treat your condition, how often, exactly do you you want to spend a few hours going through what could be something very unpleasant? Twice a month? Monthly? People I knew would generally talk about a few times a year doing the job to keep their trauma in check. But it’s hard to say since we have so little science, there are so many substances, and such a range of conditions to treat.

There’s this stereotype of psychedelics as always this fun time. And they often are. But at the therapeutic levels and at the levels for a serious experience, they very much often are not. And that’s a feature not a bug.

If that course of treatment is the only path available, then very well. Many people need to endure very hard treatment regiments. However, I think there’s a better way.

3. The real crux of it: Almost a year and a half later, my accidental, self-administered spiritual cure for my PTSD continues to hold.

I did not need psychedelics to “cure” my condition and now believe neither do others.

The most important essay that I have ever published on Substack, maybe most important ever so far in my life, is this one right here, which explains the ceremonial magick rituals I did which resulted in a self-exorcism that has caused a complete remission of my PTSD symptoms:

The Absurd Way I Accidentally Cured My PTSD

I’ll just excerpt the conclusion because it still holds:

Could it really be that so-called “mental illness” is just a modern misunderstanding of what the ancients accurately understood as demonic possession? Could ostensibly irrational, emotional behavior actually be caused by some strange, dark entity attaching itself to one’s soul like a tick on a deer or a barnacle on a ship?

If you ask me, the answers are yes and yes. I think that, when we go through traumatic events, they open up our consciousness to darker forces to work their way inside to feast on us.

Now, I’m not going to try and persuade anyone that this is really how it works. The existence of supernatural forces is, by definition, not something that science and rationality can prove. Science can only assess the natural world.

But I will say this, and I’ll say it directly to people who may be struggling right now with PTSD or some other “mental illness” which psychology and psychiatry have failed to improve:

Go pick up a book like The Moon and Serpent Bumper Book of Magic. Read its instructions on how to create your “magickal weapons.” Discover the symbolism of the Tree of Life, then pick up a tarot deck and go see what you can do to heal yourself with the Power of the God of Israel.

4. As a result of my experiments and research, I now very much regard PTSD and many other mental health problems as primarily spiritual in nature rather than psychological or physical.

A Very Controversial Position to Consider This PTSD Awareness Month

Now, let’s be clear: I’m not at all saying that people should stop seeing their therapist and quit their psychiatric drugs. I still see a great therapist regularly and have finally found a psychiatrist I trust who does a good job listening to me and helping me find the right medications to help me.

However, both of them are just bandaids. The psychiatric medications help reduce nightmares and aid slightly in mood stabilization maybe. They are minor pieces in the puzzle but admittedly help. An hour of talk therapy a few times a month or weekly when things are at their worst will help, but it’s the mental health equivalent to the brain what an hour with a personal trainer at the gym is to the body. Yes, it helps, but no, it’s not a core component.

What does go to the root?

God.

The spiritual realm inhabited by his hidden creations. And there are many ways to get there apart from psychedelics.

And so, nowadays, I am more interested in these methods instead:

5. The Lumenate meditations I’ve done daily the last few months are better than psychedelic experiences.

I’m going to save talking about the Lumenate for its own standalone article, which I’ve been meaning to write for a while now.

How it works is you close your eyes and then the lights in the mask flicker against them in patterns synched with the music or guided meditation in the headphones. You can set sessions to go from as short as 5 minutes through as long as half an hour. Some are designed to be calming starts to the day, others provide energy and euphoria for a mid-day boost, while a whole category is dedicated to helping you fall asleep. You can use your own music or audioooks too. I’ve fallen asleep to it with Finnegans Wake going. You can try it without the mask too — download the app and it will use the flashlight on your phone. It’s not as good as the mask but it gives you an idea if it’s an approach you’d like to try.

I’m using it 3-4 times a day now and it’s been central in treating the anxiety I wrote about being diagnosed with after an emergency room trip in December:

Linus Reminds Us What Christmas Is Really All About

The $130 for the mask and $80 for a yearly subscription to their app and its growing list of meditation programs is some of the best money I’ve ever spent to improve my health.

This is actually not at all the first time that I’ve experimented with this light-based form of meditation. For more than 20 years now I’ve made dreamachines every few years. One takes a 78 RPM turntable, sticks a handcut shade on top, and lowers a lightbulb down the middle. They’re a bit of a hassle to make and to set up but when you get it just right they can be wonderful:

But the Lumenate is way better. It’s relaxing, it’s exciting, and it’s art. Having your eyes closed and taking in the flashing light is more beautiful than a Michelangelo and more entertaining than a Scorsese. The synching of the light with the music is incredible.

And I’ve used it in conjunction with a particularly ancient tool that I’ll also unpack soon in its own article:

6. I’ve been discovering the ancient power of incense: there is a reason Frankincense and Myrrh appears in the Bible so much.

Back in February, I began to receive a recurring message during my meditations.

I wrote it in my journal on February 7:

“walk the way of the snake”

“ride the snake”

At first this last bit seemed to recall the Doors’ lyrics from “The End”:

This “ride the snake” message occurred again on February 17 during a Lumenate session and then on February 21 it came in more specifically:

“Ride the Snake to the Land of Punt!”

What the hell did this mean? What did a snake have to do with the Land of Punt, which was a trading partner with ancient Egypt, believed to reside in the Horn of Africa?

The next few weeks I started researching until I came to something: what was so unique and valuable about Punt?

They were — and remain — the world’s key source of frankincense and myrrh, the two commodities in antiquity which were the equivalent of oil today.

I figured this out on March 4 and wrote it down: “‘Ride the snake to the land of Punt’ means use frankincense and myrrh incense and breathe deeply and alter consciousness.”

So then on March 6, I ordered my first box of it and have since restocked twice. I’m now burning it regularly through the day and have started to project light and lasers up through the smoke to illuminate it so it becomes a visual meditation too.

Forms of this incense were used by the ancient Egyptians, the Israelites, and then it was adopted by the Catholic church.

Now, one can say that the incense purely acts at a physiological level, that the smell changes the chemicals in one’s brain. That’s true, but I’ve found it goes further: that the smoke seems to repel “dark spirits.” It creates a shield keeping them from striking.

Again, I’ll unpack this more in its own standalone article. However, I’ll just note this is not the only way to generate this effect against the demons, I’ve also grown more interested in:

7. I am continuing to explore religious rituals across traditions: Christian, Jewish, Muslim ancient Egyptian, Hindu, African, East Asian—all are tool kits all should explore.

Last year I wrote a follow-up to my PTSD essay, explaining that I had come to rely on a variety of different spiritual tools to repel the presence of dark spirits:

11 Effective Ways to Repel the Dark Spirits

Last month I wrote about how invoking angels, including by now adding my middle name to my byline, was now a regular and effective practice:

Why I Added My Middle Name to My Byline And the Hilarious Thing That Happened Afterwards

Just as the big ritual that I had done for hours worked to clear out the dark entities clinging to me, these smaller rituals work to do so in a more limited degree. These rituals endure because they work. It’s embarrassing at times. I always hope when I’m tracing a circle around my whole apartment with a staff as I’m chanting divine names that neighbors don’t come and see how weird I am.

8. A Shift in diet not just for health but for spirit.

This year I have made some major changes to my diet to reduce anxiety:

• I gave up caffeine and switched from coffee in the morning to herbal tea.

• I wasn’t drinking much alcohol anyway, but I’ve given that up and started exploring the world of non-alcoholic beer, growing rather enthusiastic about it.

• I’ve heavily cut back on refined sugar, limiting myself to the occasional waffles for breakfast and Klondike bars in the evening. No more sodas and much less candy

• I am now learning how to cook through courses on BBC Maestro taught by Marco Pierre White. I’ve already made the first dish in his “Delicious Food Cooked Simply” course twice and bought the ingredients to make the second. I’m going to start his “Delicious Vegetarian Cooking” course too and also Vineet Bhatia’s “Modern Indian Cooking.” I’ve hated eating for about 17 years now as a result of bad experiences with the wrong medication that I was previously prescribed. White’s course is helping me learn to enjoy food again. I’ll write about how in upcoming pieces. Those following me on Notes may get to see some of my creations periodically.

Now, I don’t want to give anyone the impression that I’m saying that meditation, incense, religious rituals, and diet are replacements for a psychedelic experience or can do the same thing.

What I’m saying is that, in my experience, those four practices are going to be more key to healing PTSD, addiction, depression, or any number of mental health struggles be they major or minor.

The psychedelic experience still has its value and its place, even if it is not necessarily the medical panacea yet that we’ve hoped. What it seems to remain as is primarily a spiritual, mystical, and, yes, supernatual experience rather than a medical one, as such, this is a key point to emphasize:

9. The outlaw aspect of the psychedelic experience is part of it. And the illegality does reflect the power of the substances.

This is the simple reality: if psychedelics become legalized then they do need to be regulated at a level comparable to alcohol and marijuana. They can be dangerous. And that aspect of it is part of the experience. The whole thing is supposed to be scary. That’s part of it. And you don’t get that aspect of it when you’re in a therapist’s cozy office. You do when you’re in a teepee out in the desert at midnight on Halloween night and you can hear the coyotes howling.

So while, yes, on a philosophical and moral level, these substances need to be legalized. However, something gained, something lost. There’s always a line in which something becomes so safe in which the experience of doing it becomes hopelessly lost. The danger is a rite of passage. The risk shows the seriousness.

10. Further also fueling my disinterest: there are very serious differences between psychedelic experiences from naturally occurring plants versus those with manmade compounds.

Based on my experiences and readings, I’m ultimately not very interested in psychedelics synthesized in labs. Just as I wrote about in the previous article how naturally grown and naturally treated marijuana was notably superior to artifically treated varieties, the same rings true of psychedelic experiences too. While I’m not dissuading people from considering these treatments and experiences, I’m just reporting from my own experiences that a more natural, traditional experience seems to yield more effective results. While both are delicious, a real cherry tastes better and is better for you than a cherry skittle.

11. In the various years since I’ve started exploring this “psychedelic scene” and reading, I still have yet to find people, thinkers, and ideas that are all that compelling.

When I started exploring the topic of psychedlics more seriously starting in 2021, inspired by Michael Pollan’s How to Change Your Mind, years of taking in Robert Anton Wilson, and when opportunities arrived, I thought that in this new “psychedelic renaissance” that I would come across other compelling thinkers.

I expected to start finding writers, activists, and especially people here on Substack with interesting things to say about psychedelics. And that just hasn’t happened yet. I’m not saying such people certainly aren’t out there. I just expected to find them by now and that I haven’t is a red flag. Those who I have encountered have ultimately disappointed me.

Instead, who are the top champions of psychedelics today? Joe Rogan and the Trump administration. And for them it’s simply a “this is fun and we can make money selling it like beer” move. Don’t buy the whole “troops who fought in Iraq need this to treat their PTSD” emotional manipulation argument. That’s entirely true, but the fact it has had to be the argument for almost 20 years now has been depressing. Like the women who have experienced sexual violence aren’t just as deserving too? Why should soldiers get special treatment?

That’s just how middle America is, I suppose. Hippies sitting in their dorm rooms tripping on mushrooms is bad—lock ‘em up! But if they’re soldiers coming back from war and a doctor says so then it’s OK and let the taxpayer fund it. This is America. Whatever. The people like their bullshit served up hot and fresh.

12. Once you’ve had one particular experience, you don’t necessarily need to keep doing it. You learn the lessons that particular substances teach and then can move on.

When you buy a season pass to an amusement park, how many years do you usually do that in a row? How many times do you need to go on the same rides over and over again?

Now psychedelic experiences are not the same every time like going on the best amusement park ride in the world, Pirates of the Caribbean. The “set and setting” matters significantly, as does dosage, and certainly there are plenty of varieties which don’t all produce the same experience.

However, if you’re doing this seriously instead of just “for fun,” what is to be gained from repeating the experience over and over? Answer from one who has: not much. The spirits tell you what you need to know and there are other, easier ways to follow up if you need clarification.

13. Finally, take of this what you will, but one of the entities I channeled once during a “heroic dose” claimed the reason for psychedelics’ illegally was because of treaties made between demons and governments around the world.

Now, you’re more than welcome to dismiss this as just me joking, but I am again reporting to you accurately what happened during one instance of a “heroic dose” level experience which resulted in the channeling of an entity which identified itself as “Robert the Demon,” who claimed to be one of the fallen angels described in Genesis 6 and The Book of Enoch. (You have to take the really high doses to get this to happen.)

He spoke through me with what seemed like a Renaissance-style English accent and was very annoyed to have been drawn into a body again, something which had not happened to him in a number of centuries, or so he claimed. (We obviously can’t trust what any of these entities say. And there is a long tradition in myth and folklore of “trickster” spirits appearing in all sorts of shapes and lying to us for their own amusement.)

Speaking with Sally who was monitoring the experince, Robert proclaimed that I was “foolish” for doing this experience and that it was illegal for a reason, that his kind had made a treaty with governments to make it illegal. Apparently they don’t like being captured in bodies and channeled without their consent, which is what these drugs can do and the federal government totally knows about it.

I’m just joking. Or am I?

Regardless, perhaps you get the picture now.

Talking about how these substances can be used to treat the common cold of the mental health world does not seem quite as compelling as trying to grasp their capabilities for communicating with invisible intelligences operating at other planes of existence.

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