This made me laugh out loud, although it really shouldn’t have. My favorite unf*able man move, is when guys show up at church and expect that by announcing they believe in Jesus some woman will want to have their children 🤔🤷🏻♀️
And oh yes, I very much did intend to write this to provoke some laughs. I may try and do more on this theme and in this style. Anything you’d like me to write on next?
I completely agree that young people are hooking up less at least partially because of easy access to internet pornography. It's not internet pornography it's the fact that it's extremely easy to access all the time. Also certain types of internet pornography add the also often toxic parasocial relationships that replace actual relationships.
With that being said I think it goes beyond all this. It's difficult and awkward for a lot of people to find a partner. Back in the late 1990s when I was a teenager there were not as many instant distractions and there was more bordum eventually one would get so desperate they would have to do something like strike up a conversation with a girl your age or even ask someone out on a date. People also hung out in person with other bored young people and those young people knew other young people end you would hear through the grape vine that some girl "likes you" which would lead to you "talking" with this said girl which would the lead to "hanging out" which would then lead to a relationship or sex.
Since social relationships are less robust this type of "I heard it through the grapevine" dating is a thing of the past. Instead younger people are using dating apps which gives the illusion of "so many options"
The fact is that many, many people when I was young "settled" for someone just because they were desperate and had no other options. People now instead of going that route end up distracting themselves with video games TV or porn all of which are more customizable and easier to access. This filling the void more.
The real culprit which porn is part of is the fact that people are not longer bored and can fill any void they have in their life with any number of unhealthy coping mechanisms. This has warped people's attitudes. On top of that the constant comparisons that social media inflicts and the rotten ideas it spreads mean people even men have higher standards for partners even as people both men and women honestly put less effort into their appearance.
Young men do get the short end of the stick in dating apps as well but this is also self inflicted. Many men want to "get laid" they swipe on every girl on their dating app and go for a "quantity over quality" approach. There are more men on dating apps as well. Many men do not want to actually have a long term relationship with the women they swipe on, they will use every manipulative tactic in the book just to have sex. On top of that far more men are on these apps. Women are far more picky(why wouldn't you be if there were so many dishonest men around?) and have a numerical advantage. They can have their pick if they just want to have sex. If they want a relationship they are in a totally vulnerable position of permanent distrust and skepticism for good reason. However this dynamic leads to a very few select group of men getting a lot of attention and most men being ignored because the more picky women gravitate towards the same men. This situation is bad for most men and most women.
So that's the terrible dating scene as I, a married for 14 years guy sees it.
People not having as many kids is mostly due to smart decisions and following the advice of our parents. "Don't have kids until you can afford them" means for most "responsible" people that you establish a career and are financially sound before you have kids (not me) this leads to more kids happening for people in their 30s. If you don't start a family until your 30s you are much more likely to have just one or two kids. This is the primary reason birth rates are down. People are more responsible. People also have longer prolonged adolescence through their 20s often times. This is combination of different cultural expectations and economic reality.
People are still having kids just far fewer of them. That's not necessarily bad as more resources can be put into these fewer kids and less families are in poverty.
Millennials and Gen Z were told "don't have kids until you can afford them" now some people are freaking out because people are actually following that advice.
I think people"s social isolation is a major factor in them being "unfuckable" I don't think I would have been very successful dating if I didn't actually know a large circle of people when I was young including women who gave me feedback on how I dressed. I was also just told "I think X likes you, you should ask her out." Guys are idiots, especially me, I never knew when a girl liked me and miss all sorts of social stuff other problem find obvious. Having a large social group when I was 18-22 or so was super important to my development being platonic friends with women during that time was super beneficial too.
I just feel like social life like that in the late 90s/early 00s is just dead. The replacement is inferior. Men are attracted to Onlyfans I think because it actually has a mild element of social connection beyond just the porn and a few desperate men through lots of money to these women they form parasocial relationships with.
It can be hard to maintain friendships and take the leap to you know ask someone out. Stuff like that is scary. So people just hide behind often self diagnosed mental illness and go do the easy thing which is to distract yourself from your loneliness using the Internet, video games, streaming services and porn.
I am so thankful to the positive relationships I had in my youth and how I was able to grow through knowing people and experiencing things. I feel like a person like me would very much struggle being young nowadays. I often wonder if I was a young person now it I would have fallen into the "incel" trap and be bitter and lonely. I wonder that and my actual life I have lived has been thankfully starkly different from that.
Both highly intelligent, amazingly socially awkward.
One brother, mildly Autistic, with epilepsy.
Both were what we term Incels today.
One brother, was convinced of his intellectual superiority, that the dynamics of society don't apply to him.
He, is still alone to this day. His loneliness, according to him is everyone else's fault.
The other brother, with Autism and epilepsy, didn't blame everyone else, or demand everyone accommodate him.
He sought to understand, learn, adapted, reacted with kindness, seeking self improvement.
He now, has a social life, a wife of about 20 years, is relatively happy.
I will grant that today's world makes it easier to choose to be an Incel. The availability of porn, the internet, the relative anonymous nature, allows for instant gratification and lashing out, and the self serving delusions of narcissistic tendencies.
I tend to think that the true difference, between my two friends is, one, is a narcissist.
The other chose humility.
Bottom line,
Internet not withstanding.
I honestly believe the root cause of being an Incel, is narcissistic delusion.
I must observe ,
When I catch those videos of women complaining of being alone, that there are no good men, all men are bad etc.
I see the exact same narcissistic attitudes displayed as I see among male Incels.
To be honest people leaning into their mental illnesses and not developing coping skills or workarounds and kind of making their detriments that are holding them back into their identity is somewhat of a problem in modern society which also is a symptom of people feeling disconnected and isolated as they find pseudo support and validation online. So there are more people stuck on never changing and wanting the world to accommodate them rather than the other way around.
I like to use the brutal reality of Gravity, as an example.
Gravity doesn't hold you down out of some malicious desire for dominance and control.
It simply is.
You can choose to let it hold you down and stuck in place, complaining about the limitations,or, you can seek to understand Gravity, how it functions, which reveals momentum,
Using that you can learn to not only move yourself, but overcome the limitations and fly.
Mass+Energy( effort) + Lift ( thinking outside the box) =Flight.
I know that's an exceedingly simplistic breakdown!
The less conventionally religious a particular demographic is, the fewer children it has. Certainly my experience of observant Judaism is that being trained, and later training oneself, to mature into a responsible adult (beyond the mere matter of making money to feed yourself and your growing collection of FunkoPop figurines) is a primary concern.
The non-religious life seems to be lacking this engine.
I feel like there's always going to be a bottom 20% of males who just can't be reached with stuff like that. A bottom 20% of intelligence, morality, and maturity.
This made me laugh out loud, although it really shouldn’t have. My favorite unf*able man move, is when guys show up at church and expect that by announcing they believe in Jesus some woman will want to have their children 🤔🤷🏻♀️
Thanks so much! I’m glad you enjoyed it!
And oh yes, I very much did intend to write this to provoke some laughs. I may try and do more on this theme and in this style. Anything you’d like me to write on next?
I completely agree that young people are hooking up less at least partially because of easy access to internet pornography. It's not internet pornography it's the fact that it's extremely easy to access all the time. Also certain types of internet pornography add the also often toxic parasocial relationships that replace actual relationships.
With that being said I think it goes beyond all this. It's difficult and awkward for a lot of people to find a partner. Back in the late 1990s when I was a teenager there were not as many instant distractions and there was more bordum eventually one would get so desperate they would have to do something like strike up a conversation with a girl your age or even ask someone out on a date. People also hung out in person with other bored young people and those young people knew other young people end you would hear through the grape vine that some girl "likes you" which would lead to you "talking" with this said girl which would the lead to "hanging out" which would then lead to a relationship or sex.
Since social relationships are less robust this type of "I heard it through the grapevine" dating is a thing of the past. Instead younger people are using dating apps which gives the illusion of "so many options"
The fact is that many, many people when I was young "settled" for someone just because they were desperate and had no other options. People now instead of going that route end up distracting themselves with video games TV or porn all of which are more customizable and easier to access. This filling the void more.
The real culprit which porn is part of is the fact that people are not longer bored and can fill any void they have in their life with any number of unhealthy coping mechanisms. This has warped people's attitudes. On top of that the constant comparisons that social media inflicts and the rotten ideas it spreads mean people even men have higher standards for partners even as people both men and women honestly put less effort into their appearance.
Young men do get the short end of the stick in dating apps as well but this is also self inflicted. Many men want to "get laid" they swipe on every girl on their dating app and go for a "quantity over quality" approach. There are more men on dating apps as well. Many men do not want to actually have a long term relationship with the women they swipe on, they will use every manipulative tactic in the book just to have sex. On top of that far more men are on these apps. Women are far more picky(why wouldn't you be if there were so many dishonest men around?) and have a numerical advantage. They can have their pick if they just want to have sex. If they want a relationship they are in a totally vulnerable position of permanent distrust and skepticism for good reason. However this dynamic leads to a very few select group of men getting a lot of attention and most men being ignored because the more picky women gravitate towards the same men. This situation is bad for most men and most women.
So that's the terrible dating scene as I, a married for 14 years guy sees it.
People not having as many kids is mostly due to smart decisions and following the advice of our parents. "Don't have kids until you can afford them" means for most "responsible" people that you establish a career and are financially sound before you have kids (not me) this leads to more kids happening for people in their 30s. If you don't start a family until your 30s you are much more likely to have just one or two kids. This is the primary reason birth rates are down. People are more responsible. People also have longer prolonged adolescence through their 20s often times. This is combination of different cultural expectations and economic reality.
People are still having kids just far fewer of them. That's not necessarily bad as more resources can be put into these fewer kids and less families are in poverty.
Millennials and Gen Z were told "don't have kids until you can afford them" now some people are freaking out because people are actually following that advice.
In Highschool, I was the "unfuckable guy".
Super nerd, on the debate team...
Then it was discovered I played guitar in a band.
Unfuckable disappeared literally over night.
Nothing about me changed except the knowledge I was in a band and playing in bars.
Perception is 90%.
I played in a few local bars...
My music was entirely separate from my highschool world...
Till word got out.
Before this got out, All I was perceived as was a nerd with nothing to offer.
As for Adulthood, marriage.
Continual self improvement is required.
A thing about the angry Incels I have personally known.
They bring nothing aside from their self centered desires, anxiety, neediness and narcissistic delusions to the table.
Which is also why they have no friends and live isolated.
That is their choice.
They delude themselves into thinking the world must exist for their desires then react with delusional anger when confronted with reality.
Women, perceive the truth.
They don't want an adult infant with toddler level narcissistic tendencies.
I think people"s social isolation is a major factor in them being "unfuckable" I don't think I would have been very successful dating if I didn't actually know a large circle of people when I was young including women who gave me feedback on how I dressed. I was also just told "I think X likes you, you should ask her out." Guys are idiots, especially me, I never knew when a girl liked me and miss all sorts of social stuff other problem find obvious. Having a large social group when I was 18-22 or so was super important to my development being platonic friends with women during that time was super beneficial too.
I just feel like social life like that in the late 90s/early 00s is just dead. The replacement is inferior. Men are attracted to Onlyfans I think because it actually has a mild element of social connection beyond just the porn and a few desperate men through lots of money to these women they form parasocial relationships with.
It can be hard to maintain friendships and take the leap to you know ask someone out. Stuff like that is scary. So people just hide behind often self diagnosed mental illness and go do the easy thing which is to distract yourself from your loneliness using the Internet, video games, streaming services and porn.
I am so thankful to the positive relationships I had in my youth and how I was able to grow through knowing people and experiencing things. I feel like a person like me would very much struggle being young nowadays. I often wonder if I was a young person now it I would have fallen into the "incel" trap and be bitter and lonely. I wonder that and my actual life I have lived has been thankfully starkly different from that.
I have two friends, they are brothers.
Both highly intelligent, amazingly socially awkward.
One brother, mildly Autistic, with epilepsy.
Both were what we term Incels today.
One brother, was convinced of his intellectual superiority, that the dynamics of society don't apply to him.
He, is still alone to this day. His loneliness, according to him is everyone else's fault.
The other brother, with Autism and epilepsy, didn't blame everyone else, or demand everyone accommodate him.
He sought to understand, learn, adapted, reacted with kindness, seeking self improvement.
He now, has a social life, a wife of about 20 years, is relatively happy.
I will grant that today's world makes it easier to choose to be an Incel. The availability of porn, the internet, the relative anonymous nature, allows for instant gratification and lashing out, and the self serving delusions of narcissistic tendencies.
I tend to think that the true difference, between my two friends is, one, is a narcissist.
The other chose humility.
Bottom line,
Internet not withstanding.
I honestly believe the root cause of being an Incel, is narcissistic delusion.
I must observe ,
When I catch those videos of women complaining of being alone, that there are no good men, all men are bad etc.
I see the exact same narcissistic attitudes displayed as I see among male Incels.
My takeaway is, Natural Selection is working.
Absolutely. Very spot on there.
To be honest people leaning into their mental illnesses and not developing coping skills or workarounds and kind of making their detriments that are holding them back into their identity is somewhat of a problem in modern society which also is a symptom of people feeling disconnected and isolated as they find pseudo support and validation online. So there are more people stuck on never changing and wanting the world to accommodate them rather than the other way around.
I like to use the brutal reality of Gravity, as an example.
Gravity doesn't hold you down out of some malicious desire for dominance and control.
It simply is.
You can choose to let it hold you down and stuck in place, complaining about the limitations,or, you can seek to understand Gravity, how it functions, which reveals momentum,
Using that you can learn to not only move yourself, but overcome the limitations and fly.
Mass+Energy( effort) + Lift ( thinking outside the box) =Flight.
I know that's an exceedingly simplistic breakdown!
Hahaha... Oh, my days!! This was so hilarious and yet very apt. 💯🤭🤣
very interesting. see comments also from Ossiana Tepfenhart including at: https://ossiana.substack.com/p/we-owe-you-nothing
I love this! It’s so refreshing to read an article on this topic that doesn’t blame women or feminism.
Relevant: https://litwinslog.substack.com/p/our-antidemocratic-future
The less conventionally religious a particular demographic is, the fewer children it has. Certainly my experience of observant Judaism is that being trained, and later training oneself, to mature into a responsible adult (beyond the mere matter of making money to feed yourself and your growing collection of FunkoPop figurines) is a primary concern.
The non-religious life seems to be lacking this engine.
Please tell me more about your growing FunkoPop figurine collection. ;-)
More ritual initiations and discipline toward maturity will help men’s fuck ability problems
I feel like there's always going to be a bottom 20% of males who just can't be reached with stuff like that. A bottom 20% of intelligence, morality, and maturity.