God of the Desert Books

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God of the Desert Books
God of the Desert Books
The Prophetic Revelation After My First Ketamine Infusion
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The Prophetic Revelation After My First Ketamine Infusion

Radical Forgiveness Is the Answer

David Swindle 🟦's avatar
David Swindle 🟦
Aug 30, 2022
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God of the Desert Books
God of the Desert Books
The Prophetic Revelation After My First Ketamine Infusion
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“What’s important to me at this point in my life? Making really sure I have forgiven all — everyone who has ever hurt me or seemed to be an enemy, or making sure I have nothing but forgiveness for everything.” - Robert Anton Wilson

Yesterday afternoon, as my beloved fiancee Sally Shideler drove me back home after my first Ketamine Infusion Therapy at Dr. Ko’s Reset Ketamine clinic in Palm Springs, I scribbled this in the journal which we keep together:

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I’ll talk in more detail about what this first of six scheduled Ketamine infusions was like later today when Sally interviews me on our podcast. But this was the takeaway of the first experience. And I got it pretty immediately after I woke up. As I sat in the chair all groggy, Dr. Ko asked me what I had gotten from the experience and in my stupor I responded that I need to forgive all the people who have hurt me so much over the last year. I need to forgive the unskilled, violent police officers who caused my PTSD with their desperate effort to cover up the fact they had intentionally injured me. I need to forgive the friends and family members who have abandoned me and now refuse to talk to me, who have blocked me on their phones, email, and social media. I need to forgive the business partners and colleagues who have betrayed me, lied to me, and stolen money from me. They all may have their justifications for what they did to hurt me. They all may think that they are the heroes of their story and I am the villain. A verse comes to mind:

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. - Luke 23:34

When I told Dr. Ko about my realization about forgiveness he suggested a ritual that I could do to put my forgiveness into action before my next session tomorrow: handwrite letters to those who have hurt me about my forgiving them. Then burn them. I’m going to do it tonight.

Regarding the content and type of Ketamine experience which I had, it appears my guess that the first one represented a smaller dosage was correct. I had the first type, the “empathogenic experience,” apparently because Dr. Ko usually administers a smaller dose for one’s first Ketamine treatment. The sensation of it was entirely pleasant and positive - it was a bit like a rollercoaster ride in the dark. I did not encounter any “entities” or relive my life or become one with the universe. I was still aware of myself and my body the entire time. The only person who appeared to me at one point was my favorite author, the late Robert Anton Wilson, and the quote I’ve embedded and put in bold above reverberated in my mind.

Now, I’ve heard this and known this for a long time. I’ve seen the documentary where it’s from perhaps a dozen times since first buying it back in 2004. And I even knew earlier in my PTSD journey that I needed to do this. But knowing it and reading it and hearing it is one thing, actually getting over the pain people caused you is another. And so far I have not been able to do that because of the PTSD. The hyper-arousal of my senses and hyper-vigilance of my emotions has felt so permanent. But maybe the friends who have been telling me that it just takes time to heal were right all along.

A deep thanks to the friends and family who haven’t abandoned me, who have been with me through this journey. And a special thanks to my friend Scott, who took the time to tell me about how much Ketamine Infusion Therapy helped him and who was crucial in me realizing that it could likely save me too.

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See the previous posts and podcasts in my journey of recovering from PTSD:

God of the Desert Books
4 Bizarre Experiences That Could Happen After I'm Infused With Ketamine For the First Time Tomorrow
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3 years ago · David Swindle
God of the Desert Books
3 Days to My Ketamine Infusion Therapy...
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3 years ago · 1 like · 2 comments · David Swindle
God of the Desert Books
12 Ridiculous Knee-Jerk Reactions I Had to Dave's Ketamine Preparation Regimen
Treatment dates for David's ketamine therapy are about a week and a half away! To prepare, we were given a sheet of guidelines to follow in advance of and during the course of his infusions. Since we live in such close quarters - I mean, since we love each other so much - what he does, I (am going to try to) do, too! Yep…
Read more
3 years ago · 2 likes · Sally Shideler
God of the Desert Books
12 Healthy Lifestyle Changes I Need to Make Before Ketamine Therapy Starts in 12 Days
On most days when you don’t receive any new content from God of the Desert Books’ Substack it’s a pretty safe assumption that the reason for that is I’m feeling so terrible with my PTSD symptoms that I cannot write something myself, edit another writer’s story, or think clearly enough to record a podcast. That was the …
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3 years ago · 1 like · 1 comment · David Swindle
God of the Desert Books
Confessing the Secret Reason Why PTSD Advocacy Will Remain A Pillar of This Publishing Company
Since September of 2021, I have been fighting to keep living. On September 16 - Yom Kippur of all days - I was the victim of multiple assaults and torture at the hands of law enforcement officers when I was an innocent man, falsely accused. The phrases “innocent until proven guilty” and “in your custody, in your care…
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3 years ago · 3 likes · 2 comments · David Swindle
God of the Desert Books
Finally an Optimistic Day in the PTSD Battle (And What I have to Say About the FBI Raid at Trump's Home)
Watch now (13 min) | After a week and a half of mostly difficult days I finally get some encouraging news from my doctor and feel decent. Also: some comments on the latest controversy of the day featuring our former Commander-in-Chief. Please tell us all what you think below…
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3 years ago · 4 likes · David Swindle
God of the Desert Books
The Calm After the Storm, or Trying to Turn the Tide of PTSD
It's officially monsoon season here in our little corner of the desert! Frequent rain brings the welcome, cooling relief of cloud cover, but along with the storms come muggy, humid days, constant flash-flood warnings, and items we leave outside being ruined in consistently inventive and surprising ways…
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3 years ago · 2 likes · Sally Shideler
God of the Desert Books
GOTD Audio Podcast #2: Why So Many Trauma Victims Become Addicted to Alcohol, Opioids, And Other Destructive Drugs
Listen now (12 min) | In today’s audio podcast I provide a glimpse into the pain I experience most mornings and how one prescription drug is providing relief…
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3 years ago · David Swindle
God of the Desert Books
GOTD Video Podcast #6: Perhaps Individualism & Consumerism Are Not the Best Models for Providing Effective Medical Care
Watch now (8 min) | In today’s episode as I drive back from the pharmacy in Yucca Valley with my new prescription to try reducing my PTSD symptoms I reflect on the frustration of it falling on my shoulders to figure out my own treatment for an illness medical science has not yet figured out how to treat effectively. As I explained in the previous episode, just having the c…
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3 years ago · David Swindle
God of the Desert Books
GOTD Video Podcast #5: Teaching Myself How to Write Again After Violent Trauma
Watch now (6 min) | I decided to attempt another driving video today on my way to pick up a new prescription to treat the damn PTSD. It worked out well enough to share with you, though as you’ll see it was hardly a perfect shoot! I’m getting better at this, though…
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3 years ago · 1 like · David Swindle
God of the Desert Books
7 Calming YouTube Videos I Use To Treat the Damn PTSD
So with the PTSD, I am largely on an endless quest to find tools to help me calm down and avoid the panic attacks and hyperarousal episodes which now haunt me on an almost daily basis. So almost all the time I’m now having on videos and music to keep me grounded. Here are seven which have become regulars in my rotation, sometimes multiple of these will …
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3 years ago · David Swindle

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