
Local Woman Seemingly Targeted By TikTok Song
Is Role Model's hit "Sally, When The Wine Runs Out" about ... me?

I love snarky humor, and my favorite subject to make cracks about is myself. Ditzy? Autistic? Vegetarian? They're all fair game if it's me making the joke, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm happy to hear myself ripped to shreds by someone else, at any random time.
However, that's precisely what happened yesterday, as I was driving home with my dog Jasmine's Gotcha Day dinner of seven gazillion chicken nuggets. I stopped alone at a red light, staring blankly at the unending stream of cars crossing in front of me. At least there was a catchy song on.
I was sort of nodding whitely along to the rhythm when suddenly my neck swiveled, quite of its own accord: Someone had just called my name.
I was sure. It's not a common name anymore, and when I hear it, of course: I look up. But who had said it?
Aha: it was on the radio! The light turned green and I continued on, listening closely. There it was again! And again! Mindful of the California Highway Patrol, I furtively set my phone to record the lyrics, and when I could, I pulled over to google them.
It was a song by a guy calling himself Role Model, and the song was called "Sally, When the Wine Runs Out." My jaw dropped.
While I do appreciate this new entry in the "Sally" songbook, along with "Long Tall" and "Mustang," this song's title could not have hit closer to home if it were "Sally, Would You Please Stop Leaving Almost-But-Not-Quite-Empty Glasses of Cold Brew on the Damn Coffee Table?"
Of course, that's harder to rhyme with.
Cold brew may the most exciting beverage I indulge in nowadays, but many years ago, I was - well - a wino. An alcoholic. And rarely did I drink anything but red wine: Merlot, ideally, but right before I got sober, I had a thrilling little flirtation with Malbec that was hard to kick.
Now, speaking of red wine and songs, no one said it like UB40. And this year, as I officially enter my fifth decade, I'm feeling personally called out by them, too. What would help? A glass of - well:
Feeling downright pissy now, I looked up the lyrics.
The chorus went:
"Sally
That feeling's coming around
Please don't go falling in love
Then disappear when the wine runs out (hey)
Sally
I'll buy a couple of rounds
Don't let me think I'm enough
Then disappear when the wine runs out"
Okay, it's an incredibly catchy song. But it made me a little uncomfortable. After checking to make sure this Role Model fellow wasn't someone I'd dated (whew), I started thinking about what kind of a partner I'd been in the past.
"Well
I met Sally at a late night dive bar
She don't dance, but she downs her drinks
Heard through a friend, she's a born again wild card"
Yeah, that applied to me back in the day …
"Well
I open up while she's flipping through pages
Getting lonely as the days get dark
If you're bored, and your mind starts changing
Maybe just give me a head start"
... and yeah, that did, too.
"Aw, shit, here we go again
I'm falling headfirst (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Ankles hit the two-step
Sally makes my head hurt (hey)
Heard through the grapevine
She can be a diva
Cold like Minnesota
Hotter than a fever (hey)"
Um. OK. What the hell?!
While I'm not the biggest fan of the assertion,"Sally makes my head hurt," I know a few guys who might agree. To put a finer point on it, I know a few guys for whom I was this girl, and not just in name.
Irresponsible. Irrepressible. Traumatized. Fun to chase. Fun to catch. And - crucially - only there until the wine ran out.
It's not often that a TikTok song really gets up in your face like a mirror.
Two weeks from today, I'll be marrying my partner of 3.5 years and friend of 17 years, GOTD publisher
. I'd have liked to marry him sooner in life, but it wasn't time yet - for either of us. We both needed our first marriages - and anyway, when I met Dave, I was still this girl! I'd have treated him like I did other guys: simultaneously soothing my daddy issues by cultivating men’s attraction while also aligning myself with my father through the magic of alcoholism.But that was a long time ago. After my father died at just 50 of issues stemming from that alcoholism, I cleaned up my act. I've been totally sober - never a slip or a false start - since “Game of Thrones” came out on HBO; since Charlie Sheen had his "winning/tiger blood" meltdown - since Beyoncé's pregnancy reveal, for God's sake.
And as I've written many times before, I'm incredibly grateful for and proud of that. The sobriety, that is: I cannot take credit for breaking the internet when we learned a mini-Bey was on her way.
But thanks, Role Model, for the reminder that my fiancé is going to get the best version of me that I've ever been when we tie the knot on July 12.
For this, for him, I'm here regardless of the status of the wine! If it runs out, it will have been someone else's fault: Take it up with them.
I just hope I don't make his head hurt.