Is Stephen Miller's Wife Enjoying an Exciting Affair with Elon Musk?
Aren't you proud to be an American? Isn't it incredible what we all get to enjoy today?
So a certain morsel of succulent gossip has begun circulation in Washington, D.C., and it may as well be a grand buffet of sausage-party schadenfreude:
As tech-bro douchebag Elon Musk departs his position fucking up the federal government, Katie Miller—wife of the evil authoritarian bastard and white supremacist Stephen Miller, who serves as White House Deputy Chief of Staff, where he spends his time sending innocent people to El Salvadoran concentration camps—is apparently going with him, leaving her role as Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) spokeswoman to now work with the ketamine-addicted billionaire “full-time.”
Accompanying this verified fact is an unverified speculation casting the Millers and Musk as a “throuple,” with Katie now allegedly in a “full-on affair” with Sissy SpaceX.
Now, for those of us in the small space of writing about antisemitism and Jewish issues, it's worth noting something here: If Katie gives birth to another Musk baby, then that will be the second Jewish child the billionaire “disgusting antisemite” has spawned—that we know of, we must never forget. We now understand that his Modus Operandi is to offer women who make the mistake of bearing his children $15 million up front and $100,000 each month to conceal his parentage until they reach age 21. So for all we know, he may have fathered 200 Jewish children already! Maybe more. He probably doesn't even know! I bet you could buy some Musk sperm on the deep web right now. He apparently provides the genius juice to anyone who will take the stuff.
However, as entertaining and tawdry as this tale is—the arch anti-immigrant ideologue potentially losing his wife to America’s most obnoxious South African immigrant—it’s also a conundrum for the ages: Which of them is actually more racist? (Hey she's got a type!)
Let's not forget the “collateral damage” of such “the heart wants what it wants” moments. The Millers have brought three children into existence: Mackenzie, born in 2020, Jackson, born in 2022, and Hudson, born in 2023. Therefore, should Musk have succeeded in using his obscene wealth and substantial video game prowess to lure yet another morally-confused, Trump-orbiting, far-right activist-troll woman into his intergalactic harem, then he will have succeeded at breaking up a Jewish family.
These are children's lives that he has chosen to shatter for his own amusement.
Or maybe it's just gossip and Katie has selected a strictly professional relationship with Mr. Musk, not at all like a certain executive at his computers-in-skulls company. We can all hope, I suppose, even if the idea of Stephen as a “cuck” just delivers a delightful dopamine hit. Oh yeah, that's good. Yes, yes, oh yeah, that’s the stuff ... I’ll have what I’m having!
Here I'll point out that I've now dropped the affectation I embraced back in January shortly after the inauguration and the Sieg Hiel heard ‘round the world, when I wrote the following provocation, vowing to no longer write the name “Elon Musk” at this Substack:
I have no problem now referring to him by his given name, now that he has failed in his role of Shadow President. (Though “Sissy SpaceX” still warrants regular deployment.) His so-called DOGE failed to yield any meaningful cuts to the deficit, and his take-no-prisoners methods fueled intense unpopularity—which, in turn, devastated the stock of his absurdly overpriced computers-on-wheels company.
Now, looking over the wreckage that Musk has made of his “brand” and really, his whole “career,” it's worth wondering further: What was really going on here? Why did he really sink so much money into electing Trump, and why did he assume such a role as a prime agent of chaos, waving his chainsaw to cripple crucial programs and agencies throughout the federal government?
I have joked about this “hypothesis” of mine before in my satirical pieces and will continue to do so:
An FBI guy claims that Putin's FSB operatives made the entirely common-sense calculation that Musk—with his over-sized appetites for ketamine and unfamiliar female flesh—would provide an especially vulnerable target for compromising.
While there are a whole lot of legitimate, non-conspiratorial reasons why Musk may have made his far-right turn—that it aligned with his business interests, especially AI, in the long-term; that he swallowed a lot of right-wing horseshit on X; that he was traumatized by his *gasp* transgender child; that he was simply innately right-wing to begin with, owing to his apartheid youth—I find this explanation for Musk's behavior to be most entertaining and genuinely very plausible. It's most likely a confluence of many of these already-known factors, but this speculated FSB pressure and its accompanying limitless supply of illicit drugs seems most likely to be what turned Musk into a cartoon to such a degree that it tanked his businesses.
I mean, step back for a moment and it seems a bit puzzling—Musk is certainly not a stupid man. His industrial achievements with SpaceX and Tesla are still extraordinary. Check out Walter Isaacson's biography of him; it's worthwhile and an enjoyable read, quick in pace in spite of its doorstop depth. How on earth could Musk have not considered that the dual left-wing and centrist blowbacks from his tight alignment with Trump would not have trounced Tesla's stock price? Surely this must have crossed his mind at some point as he was making all his calculations about all this.
So what could have blinded this reality to him? Or rather, who?
My hypothesis is that Russia’s FSB spies or other elements in Vladimir Putin’s espionage apparatus have acquired (or manufactured) hard evidence of Musk engaged in illegal acts, potentially even outright sex crimes. So to avoid becoming a convicted sex offender for decades in prison, where he himself would almost certainly face daily degradation, humiliation, and unspeakable abuse, he is willing to instead debase himself through transformation into a shameful right-wing caricature, shedding billions in net worth and global respect in the process.
And now that he has fulfilled his purpose of electing Trump and stealing whatever internal information Putin wanted from within our federal government, he's free to go back to his flailing businesses, now all potentially mortally wounded, as the myth of Musk has been pierced conclusively, his incompetence and character shortcomings revealed for the whole globe to indulge in via clickbait articles like this one.
However, my apologies for the conscience intruding to play Buzz Killington again, but as with the potential lives of the Miller and Musk children, let's again step back for a moment and recall that this most annoying of billionaire man-children is still a human being—and apparently one in deep pain, as a New York Times exposé today reveals regarding the intensity of his drug use:
Mr. Musk’s drug consumption went well beyond occasional use. He told people he was taking so much ketamine, a powerful anesthetic, that it was affecting his bladder, a known effect of chronic use. He took Ecstasy and psychedelic mushrooms. And he traveled with a daily medication box that held about 20 pills, including ones with the markings of the stimulant Adderall, according to a photo of the box and people who have seen it.
It is unclear whether Mr. Musk, 53, was taking drugs when he became a fixture at the White House this year and was handed the power to slash the federal bureaucracy. But he has exhibited erratic behavior, insulting cabinet members, gesturing like a Nazi and garbling his answers in a staged interview.
At the same time, Mr. Musk’s family life has grown increasingly tumultuous as he has negotiated overlapping romantic relationships and private legal battles involving his growing brood of children, according to documents and interviews.
Let's add this reporting as a further exhibit in the case that Musk's great highs in innovation and deep lows of morality and self-destruction are likely fueled by demonic entities which have come to cling to his soul, now chewing on his life force, likely hanging onto him from as early as the traumatic violence he experienced as an awkward, geeky, sci-fi-loving young boy in South Africa, so many decades ago ...
Earlier this month, I wrote about how a Jerry Springer-style, trailer-trash, reality-TV mentality had come to suffuse conservative media during the 2000s, then creeping into the entire right-wing ideological project:
Stories like the possibility of a Miller-Musk "throuple" are going to become our daily media diet for the foreseeable future. Even if Trump choked to death on a Big Mac tomorrow, this culture wouldn't disappear. This is the status quo now. There is no going back.
So we may as well try to enjoy ourselves as we sit back and watch the show. Look at how it's all gone so far. We're seeing if our Constitution can hold as a shield against internal efforts at transitioning to tyranny, and so far, it looks as though it will.
Yes, your perennial prophet of doom actually has a message of optimism and encouragement on this Friday afternoon.
As scared as so many people have rightfully felt about the threats to freedom that the Trump regime has seemingly posed, maybe now is a time to step back, go pick up some buffalo wings, cue up to rewatch season two of Nathan Fielder’s transcendent comedy “The Rehearsal” on HBO, and celebrate the reality that these people's stupidity will almost certainly undo them. And it will be fucking hilarious to watch.
America will endure.
