If they can’t even teach kids how to read or to understand our own Constitution then how can you expect them to understand Islam? They can’t handle the English language, so the Arabic language isn’t even a question. And one can’t really understand Islam and its history without grasping the bare basics of Arabic language and Arab cultures more broadly.
You found out that there are people you know, not only casually, but some who share your own DNA who would, if given power and money, would become cruel dictators, and even relish in it.
Interesting article, although some might say that it cannot be true. Or as some will sit all nice and comfy in their favorite chair with beer in the fridge and the game of the week on, everything is great. they also think that the ugly, bad and evil all happens somewhere else, and not to them, or in America.
I sympathize with your realizations of I wish I did not know ___________, as I share the same. What is even harder to deal with is when you try to tell someone, or warn them, they pass it off as oh well that is not or cannot___________. As I am in my mid 70s, guess nowadays I have turned into a large cynic.
I say all the time now that I am 42 in body but 102 in my head.
The horrible truth that comes with “enlightenment” is just greater perception of evil. When the darkness is illuminated then we see all the monsters there and they are scary as hell.
LOL.....42 you say? Now I feel ancient, not really. Ahh yes, There are monsters out there, and sorry to say have been there since the beginning of time I think. What bothers me, is how they nice they appear now, but underneath all of that veneer, lies pure evil.
I wish you could have been a novelist and lived more carefree. As much as I appreciate the friendship and your activism I choose your sanity and well-being over it. But thank you nonetheless
Thanks Boaz. I have novel projects. It’s just difficult to find the will to finish them. When people aren’t reading the articles then that doesn’t motivate one to finish the books. I’ll send you one of my novel projects I’ve worked on since 2015, but am now just inclined to shelve with my other failed book projects.
David, I have learned a lot in this long life and from a personal point of view I have learned that what I may have seen in the past as a failure I have learned that many things happen for a reason and that reason is not always revealed immediately, sometimes it takes decades.
As far as what you regret I understand. The horrors you have learned about and seen has affected you because you are human, it is difficult to observe without feelings about what you are observing or reporting about. You may already know that if could be a form of PTSD which many battle worn journalists have experienced.
Know this, and please never forget it- what you did mattered, what you did made a difference, truth and facts make a difference in this world it may not seem like it at times but it really does. Our journey through our lives may not make sense at times, especially with what you have done.
I believe that as your life evolves you will have less regrets about the choices you made because they are part of who you are but you will continue to evolve from the different life experiences you have yet to have. So in the future those regrets may slide away to be replaced by changes you make in your life and career that may be more meaningful and less jarring and painful.
I also do not trust either party and I am an independent with an open mind willing to listen to others that may not share my opinions. That is what makes our country great. You may have gathered that I am a hopeful optimist. Looking forward to reading more of what you write because it is meaningful and that is what matters! Be well!
I can't count how many times I told my husband how I wished I didn't even know that (about various topics), when I was doing deep research for political articles. It makes you absorb too much evil.
I believe we have to be aware of the truth, but writing about it every day envelopes you in it. It's not healthy. And I still hold many things I found that I never wrote about (example: the depth of the sovereign citizen movement) that trouble me still, but anyone who read what I might write on it would forget by the next day and be on to the next thing within a week. Kind of makes all the work feel pointless.
I hope you'll start to write those timeless novels that are still within you. Look how many still treasure Lewis, Tolkein, etc. Write what is good and will last, and bring peace to yourself in doing so.
I just don’t get the sense like people will care any more about the novels than they would the nonfiction. I’ve published plenty of fiction pieces and they get even less attention. I’ve got plenty of projects I’ve worked on for years, many which are near completion, but there seems little point in completing them.
I was doing a lot of art commissions, but haven't had one in a year. Everyone who knew about it already had them done. The creative endeavors are why they call it "starving artist".
Would you consider taking a boring, everyday part time job and continue your writing as a side gig, at least temporarily? Try to experiment with things and see what clicks, while bringing in the $$ on the side?
This was pretty depressing to read. I really respect you and your efforts for what that's worth. I feel privileged that I'm shielded from a lot of the terrible things that you talk about. There are so many women and girls out there who are not, though.
I appreciate your respect. You are rare in giving it. If I felt like more people respected me and this work I would want to continue it. But it’s been the opposite. I’ve perpetually been demonized for this work. And for what? To accomplish nothing but my own poverty.
What struck me most about your article is how much you wanted to make a difference when you entered investigative journalism, and how much of yourself you’ve given to that pursuit.
I can only imagine how exhausting and disheartening it must be to spend so many years confronting the worst of humanity, especially when meaningful change can be so difficult to see.
It makes me wonder whether there’s another way to experience the impact you’ve always wanted to have. Perhaps through more personal, one-on-one work, where you can help someone navigate their struggles and actually witness their growth over time.
Not that you need to take on more responsibility. You’ve already carried so much. I just wonder whether there’s a different kind of meaningful work that might give something back to you, too.
Mr. Swindle, unspeakable evil is indeed abroad in the world. I hope you are able to get support and help in obtaining some surcease from the moral injuries your exposure has caused you. I would very much like to read that novel you feel you have in you.
Thank you for your work. You've done enough. Do something else. Let others pick up the burden. Evil has always existed; you just stared at it longer than many do.
The ones that concern me the most, well it would be easy to say All Of Them, but what I am concerned with is "MOB" action. How easily a mob can be formed, and how well placed agitators placed inside of a peaceful group/demonstration, can turn into pure ugly evil. The biggest drivers of that are jealousy, greed but the strongest is Hunger.
It’s sad to read such despair. The world needs more people like you, doing the work you’ve been doing. “Ending terrorist” is an unrealistic goal, but I assure you that your work has impact, even if it’s not always visible. But also, it definitely sounds like you need a break.
Ben, if the world really needed more people like me then we would be treated better and paid properly.
I’ve given 17 years of my life to this cause and worked primarily in the nonprofit sector doing this. I’ve made real financial sacrifices. And I should now just take a break and then get back to it?
I should just keep writing articles about Islamist terrorism that nobody reads and being poor and miserable as a result?
Taking a break to go spend a year stocking shelves at Walmart isn’t going to make me eager to come back to this afterwards.
I’m not thinking of a break, I’m thinking of quitting. I can’t even get people to care enough to suscribe to this blog, nevermind sign up for a premium subscription.
All the sacrifices I’ve made financially and psychologically have not been worth it.
It is really stressful doing this for 17 years and then deeply demoralizing seeing how little people notice or care.
I’m sorry David, I can’t pretend to know how you feel and the sacrifices you’ve made. Seventeen years is a long time. But no doubt you’ve been doing meaningful work that you’ve been passionate about, and that’s more than most people can say.
Sorry to hear that witnessing so much rot and corruption has you feeling jaded and despondent. This is one of the interpretations of how eating from the tree of knowledge leads to suffering. Because now you *know*.
Would it be better to live in ignorance? Not for me. But it would certainly be better for those close to me if I were ignorant (or possessed of a better filter) ;>)
If you study the period of the British Palestine, you will discover something I believe is related to your research. When the Jews grew too numerous or brash, the British would trigger a Muslim pogrom. When an Arab sheikh became unmanageable, the British would turn a blind eye to Jewish ascendancy through lawful and unlawful means. The groups were played against one another so that the British remained the power as tie breakers and kingmakers. The strategy wasn't new; they had become expert at such manipulation during their long years perfecting colonialism.
I believe the same happens regarding the war on terrorism. Especially with foreign governments, the US helps or incites whichever violent faction best helps the US. But this also happens on both sides of the aisle in US politics. Fiery rhetoric and defense lobbies keep politicians in power and also get them emotional voters. Fiery anti-war rhetoric and terrorist-sympathetic lobbies keep other politicians in power and get them emotional voters. Each side needs the other. Otherwise their (re)election campaigns would sound like one hand clapping. Their careers would be over and they would have to learn the art of governing.
Very few bureaucrats and professional politicians could survive an end to Fundamentalist Terrorism. They would like it to end someday, sure, as soon as they retire.
“Would it be better to live in ignorance? Not for me.”
Would it be better to better to work as a police detective investigating murderers or sexual predators every day? Or to live as a librarian helping people find and check out books?
Would it be better as a journalist to spend a career writing about murders, war, and terrorism? Or to be an entertainment journalist interviewing movie stars about who they’re dating and what their next project is?
It is totally better to take the librarian path or the entertainment journalist path.
Police detectives and we investigative journalists who write about the stuff they investigate are not appreciated. Movie stars are the entertainment journalists who celebrate them are.
There is way more money and web traffic to be had in entertainment fluff. I know directly. I used to be an editor of online magazines and blogs. The top 10 lists of favorite movies and clickbait like that, always got 10x or more the traffic of series news pieces.
In my profession and my experience, people don’t really care about terrorism, war, and foreign policy. The only reason some people are paying attention to the Iran War is because they’re anxious about having to more for gasoline.
People don’t give a shit about the things I write about. That’s part of why I’m so down about it all and see my career as largely a waste where the sacrifices I made weren’t appreciated and didn’t pay off by accomplishing anything.
Being a good writer doesn’t matter, Missy. Far worse writers than me have far better careers than I do.
See my new series about writers using AI to write and then passing it off as their own work. People just churning out LLM junk do better than writers who can actually write.
Look at how many comments most of my pieces get. And I can see the number of views they get too. Almost nobody ever writes in response to things I wrote. It doesn’t encourage me to want to continue.
And I wish none of us had to keep talking about any of this, that by now the sheep would've awakened.
The public education system has failed several generations by not teaching the unpleasant history of Islam.
If they can’t even teach kids how to read or to understand our own Constitution then how can you expect them to understand Islam? They can’t handle the English language, so the Arabic language isn’t even a question. And one can’t really understand Islam and its history without grasping the bare basics of Arabic language and Arab cultures more broadly.
Well Melissa it is a shame, but I think that they are still asleep, unfortunately
You found out that there are people you know, not only casually, but some who share your own DNA who would, if given power and money, would become cruel dictators, and even relish in it.
Most people don’t realize this. And they are better off. Knowledge and wisdom are curses.
More of this know than you think. My own parents would have been Adolf and Ava and bathed in blood blissfully if they could.
How many know?
Hugs, bro. It’s gonna be all right.
Every abused child, wife, and military member.
Interesting article, although some might say that it cannot be true. Or as some will sit all nice and comfy in their favorite chair with beer in the fridge and the game of the week on, everything is great. they also think that the ugly, bad and evil all happens somewhere else, and not to them, or in America.
I sympathize with your realizations of I wish I did not know ___________, as I share the same. What is even harder to deal with is when you try to tell someone, or warn them, they pass it off as oh well that is not or cannot___________. As I am in my mid 70s, guess nowadays I have turned into a large cynic.
I say all the time now that I am 42 in body but 102 in my head.
The horrible truth that comes with “enlightenment” is just greater perception of evil. When the darkness is illuminated then we see all the monsters there and they are scary as hell.
LOL.....42 you say? Now I feel ancient, not really. Ahh yes, There are monsters out there, and sorry to say have been there since the beginning of time I think. What bothers me, is how they nice they appear now, but underneath all of that veneer, lies pure evil.
Which ones most concern you today?
I wish you could have been a novelist and lived more carefree. As much as I appreciate the friendship and your activism I choose your sanity and well-being over it. But thank you nonetheless
Thanks Boaz. I have novel projects. It’s just difficult to find the will to finish them. When people aren’t reading the articles then that doesn’t motivate one to finish the books. I’ll send you one of my novel projects I’ve worked on since 2015, but am now just inclined to shelve with my other failed book projects.
I feel you, dude. Immerse yourself in the yetzer ra and you forget that there even is a yetzer tov. never mind a chance that it might win.
David, I have learned a lot in this long life and from a personal point of view I have learned that what I may have seen in the past as a failure I have learned that many things happen for a reason and that reason is not always revealed immediately, sometimes it takes decades.
As far as what you regret I understand. The horrors you have learned about and seen has affected you because you are human, it is difficult to observe without feelings about what you are observing or reporting about. You may already know that if could be a form of PTSD which many battle worn journalists have experienced.
Know this, and please never forget it- what you did mattered, what you did made a difference, truth and facts make a difference in this world it may not seem like it at times but it really does. Our journey through our lives may not make sense at times, especially with what you have done.
I believe that as your life evolves you will have less regrets about the choices you made because they are part of who you are but you will continue to evolve from the different life experiences you have yet to have. So in the future those regrets may slide away to be replaced by changes you make in your life and career that may be more meaningful and less jarring and painful.
I also do not trust either party and I am an independent with an open mind willing to listen to others that may not share my opinions. That is what makes our country great. You may have gathered that I am a hopeful optimist. Looking forward to reading more of what you write because it is meaningful and that is what matters! Be well!
I can't count how many times I told my husband how I wished I didn't even know that (about various topics), when I was doing deep research for political articles. It makes you absorb too much evil.
I believe we have to be aware of the truth, but writing about it every day envelopes you in it. It's not healthy. And I still hold many things I found that I never wrote about (example: the depth of the sovereign citizen movement) that trouble me still, but anyone who read what I might write on it would forget by the next day and be on to the next thing within a week. Kind of makes all the work feel pointless.
I hope you'll start to write those timeless novels that are still within you. Look how many still treasure Lewis, Tolkein, etc. Write what is good and will last, and bring peace to yourself in doing so.
I just don’t get the sense like people will care any more about the novels than they would the nonfiction. I’ve published plenty of fiction pieces and they get even less attention. I’ve got plenty of projects I’ve worked on for years, many which are near completion, but there seems little point in completing them.
I was doing a lot of art commissions, but haven't had one in a year. Everyone who knew about it already had them done. The creative endeavors are why they call it "starving artist".
Would you consider taking a boring, everyday part time job and continue your writing as a side gig, at least temporarily? Try to experiment with things and see what clicks, while bringing in the $$ on the side?
It helps to be more evil than the evil that you are researching. >:-
Hmmmm, I never thought of going at it that way :)
I just bought Peter Tanous "The Secret of Fátima" , let me read it and maybe discuss it with you
Thank you! That would be lovely. If you’d like to discuss with the author then I’d be happy to get you in touch with him too.
This was pretty depressing to read. I really respect you and your efforts for what that's worth. I feel privileged that I'm shielded from a lot of the terrible things that you talk about. There are so many women and girls out there who are not, though.
I appreciate your respect. You are rare in giving it. If I felt like more people respected me and this work I would want to continue it. But it’s been the opposite. I’ve perpetually been demonized for this work. And for what? To accomplish nothing but my own poverty.
What struck me most about your article is how much you wanted to make a difference when you entered investigative journalism, and how much of yourself you’ve given to that pursuit.
I can only imagine how exhausting and disheartening it must be to spend so many years confronting the worst of humanity, especially when meaningful change can be so difficult to see.
It makes me wonder whether there’s another way to experience the impact you’ve always wanted to have. Perhaps through more personal, one-on-one work, where you can help someone navigate their struggles and actually witness their growth over time.
Not that you need to take on more responsibility. You’ve already carried so much. I just wonder whether there’s a different kind of meaningful work that might give something back to you, too.
Thank you for your kindness, Gabrielle.
It’s funny you suggest the one-on-one thing… Take a look at these live-streams I’ve done recently with my new friend @Cody Taymore.
I’m trying to support and encourage him while he makes a career transition to stand-up comedy after a whole lot of life struggles.
https://substack.com/@codytaymore/note/p-220271320?utm_source=notes-share-action&r=14q4c
https://substack.com/@godofthedesert/note/p-218706763?utm_source=notes-share-action&r=14q4c
Mr. Swindle, unspeakable evil is indeed abroad in the world. I hope you are able to get support and help in obtaining some surcease from the moral injuries your exposure has caused you. I would very much like to read that novel you feel you have in you.
DM me and/or subscribe and I’ll show you where the novel that is furthest along currently stands. Thank you.
Thank you for your work. You've done enough. Do something else. Let others pick up the burden. Evil has always existed; you just stared at it longer than many do.
The ones that concern me the most, well it would be easy to say All Of Them, but what I am concerned with is "MOB" action. How easily a mob can be formed, and how well placed agitators placed inside of a peaceful group/demonstration, can turn into pure ugly evil. The biggest drivers of that are jealousy, greed but the strongest is Hunger.
It’s sad to read such despair. The world needs more people like you, doing the work you’ve been doing. “Ending terrorist” is an unrealistic goal, but I assure you that your work has impact, even if it’s not always visible. But also, it definitely sounds like you need a break.
Ben, if the world really needed more people like me then we would be treated better and paid properly.
I’ve given 17 years of my life to this cause and worked primarily in the nonprofit sector doing this. I’ve made real financial sacrifices. And I should now just take a break and then get back to it?
I should just keep writing articles about Islamist terrorism that nobody reads and being poor and miserable as a result?
Taking a break to go spend a year stocking shelves at Walmart isn’t going to make me eager to come back to this afterwards.
I’m not thinking of a break, I’m thinking of quitting. I can’t even get people to care enough to suscribe to this blog, nevermind sign up for a premium subscription.
All the sacrifices I’ve made financially and psychologically have not been worth it.
It is really stressful doing this for 17 years and then deeply demoralizing seeing how little people notice or care.
I’m sorry David, I can’t pretend to know how you feel and the sacrifices you’ve made. Seventeen years is a long time. But no doubt you’ve been doing meaningful work that you’ve been passionate about, and that’s more than most people can say.
Ben, the whole point of my article is that it hasn’t been meaningful. I’ve wasted my life.
Sorry to hear that witnessing so much rot and corruption has you feeling jaded and despondent. This is one of the interpretations of how eating from the tree of knowledge leads to suffering. Because now you *know*.
Would it be better to live in ignorance? Not for me. But it would certainly be better for those close to me if I were ignorant (or possessed of a better filter) ;>)
If you study the period of the British Palestine, you will discover something I believe is related to your research. When the Jews grew too numerous or brash, the British would trigger a Muslim pogrom. When an Arab sheikh became unmanageable, the British would turn a blind eye to Jewish ascendancy through lawful and unlawful means. The groups were played against one another so that the British remained the power as tie breakers and kingmakers. The strategy wasn't new; they had become expert at such manipulation during their long years perfecting colonialism.
I believe the same happens regarding the war on terrorism. Especially with foreign governments, the US helps or incites whichever violent faction best helps the US. But this also happens on both sides of the aisle in US politics. Fiery rhetoric and defense lobbies keep politicians in power and also get them emotional voters. Fiery anti-war rhetoric and terrorist-sympathetic lobbies keep other politicians in power and get them emotional voters. Each side needs the other. Otherwise their (re)election campaigns would sound like one hand clapping. Their careers would be over and they would have to learn the art of governing.
Very few bureaucrats and professional politicians could survive an end to Fundamentalist Terrorism. They would like it to end someday, sure, as soon as they retire.
“Would it be better to live in ignorance? Not for me.”
Would it be better to better to work as a police detective investigating murderers or sexual predators every day? Or to live as a librarian helping people find and check out books?
Would it be better as a journalist to spend a career writing about murders, war, and terrorism? Or to be an entertainment journalist interviewing movie stars about who they’re dating and what their next project is?
It is totally better to take the librarian path or the entertainment journalist path.
Police detectives and we investigative journalists who write about the stuff they investigate are not appreciated. Movie stars are the entertainment journalists who celebrate them are.
There is way more money and web traffic to be had in entertainment fluff. I know directly. I used to be an editor of online magazines and blogs. The top 10 lists of favorite movies and clickbait like that, always got 10x or more the traffic of series news pieces.
In my profession and my experience, people don’t really care about terrorism, war, and foreign policy. The only reason some people are paying attention to the Iran War is because they’re anxious about having to more for gasoline.
People don’t give a shit about the things I write about. That’s part of why I’m so down about it all and see my career as largely a waste where the sacrifices I made weren’t appreciated and didn’t pay off by accomplishing anything.
And maybe mix in some short stories to get a following started?
People are even less interested in my short stories than they are in my political pieces.
Well, you know you are a good writer, so all I can assume is it is the subject matter? Just throwing it out there.
Being a good writer doesn’t matter, Missy. Far worse writers than me have far better careers than I do.
See my new series about writers using AI to write and then passing it off as their own work. People just churning out LLM junk do better than writers who can actually write.
Look at how many comments most of my pieces get. And I can see the number of views they get too. Almost nobody ever writes in response to things I wrote. It doesn’t encourage me to want to continue.