An Ibis-Headed God Gives a Warning About the Chaos Created by Our Commander-In-Chief

My apologies for the increase in weirdness. This is America today, and as a journalist, I must report with accuracy.

Feb 22, 2025

Once again, I'm not feeling all that well, yet there is so much that I need to write. Can you just explain this stuff to the people out there?

"Well, I suppose that I can, but I'm not so sure that you're going to like it," Thoth, the ancient Egyptian, ibis-headed god of wisdom and magic responds.

You know that I'm not going to like it! But I just don't understand how I can really make sense of all this garbage for the people out there.

I mean, we've got a President who has accused Ukraine of starting the war that Vladimir Putin launched. We've got the wealthiest man in the world running around the government, firing whomever he wants, even if they're nuclear weapons officials who he then has to go and rehire. And we have the country's foremost spokesman for the anti-vaccine movement leading the Department of Health and Human Services.

What's there even to say about this? We're living in an alternate dimension where apparently nothing is true and everything is permitted.

"You're one to talk," Thoth responds. "Look at you, talking in your head to a god with an ibis head and wanting people to take what you say seriously. Come on, Dave, admit it: you're just as fucked up as whoever you want to criticize, if not more so."

I suppose that's true. I can't really argue with that.

"Damn right. Now shut your mouth and go make more AI pictures and videos with ibis heads. Surely that will make you feel better about yourself."

So, what's the deal with that? Why am I all of a sudden wanting to make these goofy images where I put ibis-headed people in seemingly "normal" scenarios?

"Because I'm in charge. If it's written, if it is made with fucking words, then that's my doing. You're welcome."

So, like, we're just some sort of little toys for you to have fun with?

"Exactly. Now get used to it. Because you haven't seen anything yet. It's going to get a whole lot wilder and weirder, and to report on it accurately, you're going to need those ibis heads on people. How else do you expect to show how totally absurd it all is?"

Why? Why are you making me do this?

"Because it's funny."

But none of this seems funny at all!

More people are going to die in Ukraine because of this. America is going to be much weaker from the inside because of a ketamine-fueled man-child treating the federal government like it’s a video game.

"I am the god of medicine. And this is just the anesthetic. There's going to be so much pain coming so soon, and all you can do to really deal with it is to see how fucking ridiculous the human condition really is. You all are fucking morons, and it's so much fun to mess with you."