
An Argument for the Maximalist Position on Marriage
Why everyone should embrace monogamy and legally recognize their union.
On the night of Saturday, July 12, 2025, I married Sally Shideler, who has now become
, or, as she will affectionately be known to me, “S-Cubed.” We have felt married now since shortly after coming together in 2022, but now with our divorces finalized, we have moved forward with our marriage.I am very pro-marriage as an institution, both in the religious and the secular senses. Regardless of whether one chooses to accept the existence of the Divine and the spiritual realm under one metaphorical definition or another, marriage is an innate good that I argue every single adult on the planet should pursue seriously upon reaching adulthood.
By marriage, I mean this specifically: "a formal, public commitment, recognized by the state, to a monogamous romantic relationship."
With marriage, one proclaims to their partner that they are the one they love most deeply and most truly. They will focus all of their love and attention, in all forms - physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, and however else, to the point of even dying to protect them. I would sacrifice my life to save Sally, without question.
This is a unique and powerful relationship. And one does not experience it fully if either partner is choosing to divert some of their love to someone else. Likewise, one also does not get the full benefit of marriage if the barrier to entry or leaving is so easy. By making divorce at least reasonably difficult, it makes the commitment to marriage more significant. It also diminishes, at least somewhat, the potential temptation to break the marriage vows and start a new romance. Is a potential relationship with someone else really worth the price of ending the relationship you’re in now?
Commitments of monogamous marriage (and of course, this refers to LGBTQ+ marriages, too) provide stable households, stable communities, and most importantly: stable environments for young children to grow and thrive.
Now, I will further note and argue here that a key values component in my advocacy for monogamous, state-recognized marriages between individuals of any genders, is my feminism.
What are the alternatives to monogamy? Which supposed systems of sexual hierarchies are superior for most women? Historically and today, there are two other possibilities:
Polygamy, which almost always manifests as one "macho" and "hyper-masculine" man collecting a harem: essentially, what Elon Musk is doing, except without marrying the women. If the average adolescent male could do this, he would.
Promiscuity, which almost always results in a male choosing to see women primarily in sexual terms, obsessing over collecting as many varied sexual experiences as possible, making the women around him feel like the objects he genuinely regards them as.
Both of those systems primarily - and apparently, naturally - appeal to men.
Gee, why is it that a woman might want the man responsible for creating the children she must now care for to, in turn, support her and their offspring as much as possible: emotionally, financially, and through literal physical protection? The more a man distracts himself by trying to prove that his own finite resources can support multiple families, the fewer resources he can actually provide to any of them.
I really don't like using “evolution” as a concept beyond its original biological context, but in the case of monogamy, it is useful to see the institution in this utilitarian context. A monogamous marriage is simply psychologically better for raising children and for the emotional development of both the husband and the wife.
What is the emotional problem behind polygamous marriages?
One word: jealousy.
One wife will grow jealous of a wife who appears to have gained more favor and whose child thus receives more attention. Likewise, a man will feel just naturally jealous of and uncomfortable with a wife in an open marriage having sex with other men. These feelings just naturally, innately emerge and make such multi-person unions simply much more unstable.
I've just never seen that many successful examples of “throuples” and open marriages that last very long. It's always an "experiment" to see if it can work, and almost inevitably, it doesn't, and it breaks down in predictable ways. Two members of the group will inevitably end up drawn to each other, leaving the third member of the “unit" high and dry, and the whole endeavor will collapse, to the detriment of everyone involved.
Here's some hard reality, too, that I'd argue, particularly to the males in the audience:
Advancing beyond the drive to have sex with as many people as possible is a marker of emotional maturity and adulthood. And it's usually males who have to get beyond this. Most women just naturally realize this, that monogamy is in their interest at a biological, common-sense level.
But for males, particularly during the main burst of testosterone we receive unwillingly during our teenage years, this can take more time and introspection to discover.
A whole lot of males do not get beyond the adolescent mentality of valuing quantity over quality when it comes to their orgasms. A sexual relationship with someone you care about and love deeply, who understands your own sexual quirks and preferences, is just going to be innately better than hopping into bed for the first time with someone you may ultimately find incompatible.
Sex with a new person is always a roll of the dice in all sorts of ways, and if a male matures mentally, going from an adolescent to a man, then he'll figure this out and simply excuse himself from the sexual gambling by opting out of the "game" played with human flesh as soon as he can.
I'm sorry, gentlemen, but this is the threshold of maturity: realizing there are more important things in life than reaching the next peak of awesome orgasm.
Monogamy is about recognizing that: understanding that sex is not an end in and of itself, that as individuals, we need to get beyond ourselves and our own pleasure. And committing ourselves to loving just one person, focusing our attention on them in all ways, is a key marker in that journey from immature boy to mature man.
Well said. Just a note on polygamy. No disagreement that this is great for the main male involved, but as a whole it sucks for the rest of us poor male peasants. This is true today in a way. The alpha male always gets all the girls.
But also, let's not consign all of the women participating in this arrangement as unwilling victims. Let's give them some credit! Many make the calculation that it is far better to be one of many wives to the King, than one poor wife to the lowly farmer.
This is so apt. No truer words ever written. It's so well done, David. 👏🏾👏🏾
Oh, and a hearty congratulations! 🎊