A Post Written By Our Puppy

Guest blogger Jasmine Louise Zipporah Swindle debuts at GOTD offering her suggestions for how to help your dog enjoy the spring season.

So as I wrote about in our last installment at GOTD, most of the occult, spiritual, mythological, science “fiction” and supernatural worlds are entirely real. Among the seemingly fantastical but entirely true psychic abilities which my beloved fiancee

Sally Shideler

possesses is the gift to have conversations with our dog Jasmine, pictured above in our yard, wearing her hippie hoodie, next to our “We Stand With Israel” sign.

I am writing what Sally says that our dog Jasmine is telling her in response to various questions. Jasmine has told Sally that she wishes she too could start blogging. She says that she has composed her first post, which we are now publishing. And I am now going to transcribe according to what Jasmine tells Sally.

We hope you enjoy our dog’s first writing attempt and find this a welcome, positive diversion from the usual posts about global warfare, antisemitic ideologies, and genocidal terrorism.

“How to Help Your Puppy Welcome Spring”

(this is really the title she has chosen)

“Teach your dog about the other animals who live nearby. You can set out bird seed and peanuts and a nice bowl of water and watch as they come to snack and drink. You can also explain to your dog what each animal is.

“Sometimes baby animals come out in spring time and that is fun, too.”

“That’s very good Jasmine,” Sally says.

“What else?” I ask.

“What’s the second way?” Sally asks.

“Bring some flowers inside your house and show them to your puppy. They will look pretty and smell nice. You can also teach your dog about different kinds of flowers, but my mom says you shouldn’t eat them.”

“That’s very good,” Sally says.

“OK, continue,” I say after finishing typing.

“Buy your dog a new spring outfit. If your dog is a girl, she will probably want a dress. But I have a hoodie and that’s good too. Maybe a boy dog wears a vest. Either kind of puppy can have a new collar with nice spring colors. Like green or pink. Make sure to let them sniff their old collar. They will like it.”

“Let’s do 5 tips, OK? What’s our next tip?” Sally asks.

“Have your puppy try spring foods. My mom said one spring food is ‘sparagus’ [she means “asparagus”]. That’s a vegetable, and if your dog doesn’t like vegetables, they will like ‘sparagus because my mom said it’s stinky. Or maybe there is another spring food your dog will like. Find one.”

“OK, now you tell me the last spring tip,” Sally says. “Oh, that’s a nice one.”

“Take your puppy on a walk around the neighborhood. Look for new plants and flowers, even if they will be very small. Or maybe they will see a bunny. You can tell your dog what the baby plants will be like when they’re grown up. Then you can come back and see how they changed.”

“Anything else?” I asked.

“I think that’s all. Do you want to have a little summary paragraph that wraps everything up?” Sally asks.

“Springtime is nice because before then it was winter and everything was boring. Next is summer and it might be too hot, so help your puppy enjoy spring now.”

“That’s adorable!” Sally declares. “That was so good. You did such a good job on your post, Muffin. I am so proud of you! Now you have the same job as Daddy!”

Stay tuned for future hard-hitting analysis from this cutting-edge new culture critic.

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