A Conversion of the Heart Is What’s Needed

My response to Sally’s well-taken perspective on the suffering that accompanies the abortion decision.

Sally, I heartfully thank you for your response to my post on abortion. (The link appears below.)

My original posting:

I plead guilty to focusing on the cold philosophy, politics, and cultural impact of abortion. As it is, I intend to improve upon that aspect in my future dealings with the topic. (More on that as time goes on…) That said, you have given an excellent overview of the many issues and problems that women face when they find themselves with an unwanted pregnancy. These are tragically real for women, and should not be dismissed as unimportant. In fact, these points are key to what drives women towards abortion.

As just one notable example from your post, you rightly point out that:

So many of these victims are at an age where they can't even convey themselves to a doctor or clinic independently! Or if they could get a ride from an older friend, they're unsure of their insurance information (if any). They're depending on their parents. If the parent is not directly the abuser or the enabler, they likely have complicated feelings about the abuser - if an outraged parent were going to make a police report, that would generally have happened long before the appointments at the abortion clinic. If their pregnant minor child speaks up, the enabling parent could end up on the hook, too.

You also—which was incredibly brave of you—relate your experience of the terror of fearing pregnancy via rape.

I have lived through the absolute terror of fearing that I had become pregnant after a rape. Luckily, I wasn't. But if I had been, despite the fact that I could have made some childless couple very happy by surrendering the child via adoption, I couldn't have continued the pregnancy. I had already decided that before I knew whether I was pregnant or not.

I really can’t imagine what that was like.

As well, you list many of the possible disastrous effects of being pregnant, such as…

…gender dysphoria, postpartum depression, and postpartum psychosis. But again, conditions like “regular” ol' preeclampsia (which is life-threatening) and its ilk can be more deadly than they already are if the patient is unwilling or unable to receive regular care and monitoring.

You see pregnancy in these situations as being “coerced into carrying a child you don't want.” I agree.

Listen, I could re-copy and quote a great deal more of your post as things we agree on and must not overlook. Victims of rape and incest are in an intolerable situation. These girls should not have to carry the baby of their rapist—it’s unjust—I completely agree. You point out well “the medical danger to a pregnant person can come in all kinds of forms.” Your rightly point out the stresses that come from money/insurance issues. This is as real a problem as anything else. You consider the psychological effects of pregnancy. Again, very real concerns, especially for a young girl who finds herself in an untenable situation.

I can only begin to empathize by imagining my own daughter caught in this situation, and it’s painful even to try to imagine that. I can also say that women are put into this situation due to a lack of love on the part of the men in their lives. Men are largely to blame for all of this.

Sacred Vessels

I thought that the title of your piece was intriguing as I do, in a way, see pregnant women as sacred vessels, and I emphasize the “sacred” aspect of it. All baptized are temples of the Holy Spirit, but women alone have a God-given power within them, one not given even to the angels. It is such an awesome power that it is quite literally life-giving and life-changing. That is why when misused by a lack of love, it can create human misery. Women are taught today to despise this aspect of their bodies, and that is a great tragedy for all of humanity.

St. Paul calls man “the glory of God,” and woman “the glory of man.” The most glorious is the Blessed Mother as she was the vessel of God himself.

It Comes from the Heart

Where we differ is likely where we will talk past one another, and that’s the real problem, isn’t it? You made it very clear that you consider abortion as a solution to the evil that men do. I would tell you that you are ignoring the unborn child in all of this. You would say that women are being ignored in favor of the fetus. I would ask you whether you really believe that it’s permissible to kill someone to avoid just one of those awful outcomes you describe. I presume, based on what you wrote, that you would say that you do. This discussion, I suspect, would go no further than that.

I recognize that this is a matter of the heart, not the mind, and that I cannot change your heart on this matter, only God can.

As a personal note, I certainly have not faced a situation of an unplanned pregnancy in my own life, nor have any of my close relatives and friends. (That I know of; I am well aware that there could be someone I know who is suffering in secret from a past abortion.) I can say that I have not lived my life without any tragedy in it. I say this only so you will not think that I am aloof to suffering.

Also, as a father, I have been there through my wife’s five pregnancies (one with a set of twins). I felt their kicks, saw them for the first time in sonograms, and eagerly awaited their births. I held my wife’s hand during each C-section, and watched (minus the first one, I admit) as each baby was pulled out of her body! I even once held a cup under her mouth as she puked from the nausea induced by the anesthesia. (And I am well-known as a first-class gagger!) I did it because I knew this was the path to Heaven. It was easy for me because I love her desperately, and each of the kids she has given me.

Our experience is the way it should always be, as God intended, with loving parents who love and want their babies. And I also know, as you point out well, that our ideal is not the way it is for many girls. I hope soon to better understand what that is like, and to account my experiences as best I can. (Again, more on that later.)

Sally, an honest thanks for your perspective on this matter. It was needed.

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